Marriage, under the best of circumstances, can be likened to Pandora’s box in that it can set free all the negative quirks and egoic faults each other has. But there is something to be said for a close relationship between a husband and a wife in which both parties can “tell on themselves” and expose whatever ego issues arise between them. Fear, jealousy, insecurity and the like are utterly destructive forces in personal relationships, unless of course, these things can be honestly expressed and discussed as they arise. In this case there is no permanent harm. In this way the ego and its ways are disarmed even as it is brought to the Light of day where it is exposed and ultimately sterilized into nothingness in the same fashion that the fictional vampire is dissolved in sunlight.
It takes a strong commitment to what is right,… a strong commitment to the Truth…in order to overcome the self-protective and destructive aspects of the ego because it is highly embarrassing to look at, let alone admit to, what is wrong with oneself. It requires a greater commitment to the Truth than it does to saving face, to excuse making and/or denial in order to overcome ones ego. But really, what is the alternative to facing the truth about oneself? The alternative is to preserve and act out of the ego, and uphold all of its destructive ways, consciously or unconsciously. It is to defend, attack, excuse and/or accuse rather then face the truth about oneself. It is to act out of egoistic fear, jealousy or insecurity instead of passing through them to greater love between the two. It is to destroy the very integrity of the relationship because truth and reality is sacrificed for the lie. It is the very definition of hell within a relationship….a sickness that ferments in the darkness of denial, and slowly rots the integrity of the relationship from the inside out. There is something about a close relationship that brings to the surface all the egoic faults that otherwise would lay dormant within each other.
No wonder it is said that marriage is the place where one can “work out” ones salvation. Who doesn’t need to be saved from ones ego? Marriage is a chance to face head on and overcome ones ego as revealed in the mirror of an intimate relationship with another. And though it does not take two to make a spiritual practice out of a relationship, it is a real blessing when the two can come together to openly and honestly bring to the Light all that is selfish and self-serving between them. Exposure of the egoic play between the two not only exposes and disarms the ego and its games, but also allows for genuine respect and understanding to grow between them.
Respect for the strength of the truth-teller who dares to risk exposing them self for truths sake, but also for growing understanding and compassion for the inherited egoic conditioning the other carries yet wishes to overcome. Here in lays the hope and promise of marriage, and here in lays the possibility of a growing, lasting Love Relationship between two human beings.