Want A Life Of Love, Passion, Happiness After Your Divorce?

How to Recover From Your Divorce: Characteristics to help you create a life of abundant love, passion, & happiness, Part 5 – Why Comfort is Crucial, Pt. 2

Comfort is what I like to call a “heart & soul” connection. And before you start wondering how a wooey-wooey “heart & soul” connection is going to help you prevent bitterness, anger or resentment; increase your experience of love, passion, peace, & happiness let me share with you why this type of connection is CRUCIAL in obtaining both.

We are all created with what some would say is an innate need to be known by another and to know another on a deeply intimate level; that we were created for relationship, we were created for connection. Your problems didn’t start by who forgot to pick up the dry cleaning; who’s watching your kids while your at work; how the credit card bill is going to get paid; and so forth.

Your problems started when you realized something: “I am not known. I feel alone; even when I am with someone else there is a (profound) sense of loneliness.” Maybe you noticed this in your marriage. Perhaps you haven’t even realized this on a conscious level; nevertheless, in your heart and unconscious – if you are experiencing problems in your life – you feel lonely, invisible, unseen because you are lacking a “heart & soul” connection. This is the HEART & ROOT of your problems. I’m not saying you”re not stressed because you’re barely making rent; you aren’t rightfully hurt by your marriage ending and whatever went wrong with your ex; you don’t feel stuck or lifeless; or you don’t know how to move forward what I’m saying is when you don’t feel heard, seen, accepted, valued, & known, you feel more stressed, you feel more hurt, you feel more stuck or lifeless.

What I realized is the ability to give & receive comfort is what CREATES, SUSTAINS, & INCREASES a deep intimate connection. If you’re unable to give comfort it’s because you don’t fully know yourself. Therefore, your ability to truly connect to another in a real, meaningful & intimate way is impaired & limited. If you don’t understand you own experiences (including your: thoughts, beliefs, feelings, & behaviors) how can you hope to connect to someone else in a real way? And if you’re unable to connect to another in a deep & meaningful way you will severely lack the healing, peace, love, fulfillment & happiness you want because these are only truly experienced in the richness of a deep, real, & sustaining relationship.

Part of the point of receiving comfort (beyond feeling relief) is to help you develop a deeper understanding of your self. This lack of comfort (and self-understanding, inherently) leads to a sense of anonymity, & therefore, makes risky behaviors (including emotional or physical affairs) all the more likely since you don’t experience a sense of being “seen”. This is also why, “The grass is greener on the other side.” – you don’t feel known; there’s no “heart & soul” connection with another. And I’m not talking about a romantic connection. The best, and right way, to develop such a connection (as well as learning how to sustain & maintain it) occurs in friendship.

Check out my next post where I break down the 5 aspects of comfort!

P.S.: Was this helpful to you? Did you learn something new or were you reminded of something you needed to be reminded of? I’d love to hear your comments or questions! Either leave a comment or email me. If there’s someone you care about & think this might be a benefit to them as well, do them a favor and “Pass it on!”